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2018 Riviere du Loup Trail Conditions/Gossip/Tidbits


mikerider
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11 minutes ago, mikerider said:

One more try and I may be exiled from QR.   lol       

Sorry you took it down some of the funniest stuff I’ve read in a while. Making it more funny was it coming from you. 😁

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3 hours ago, mikerider said:

Thanks Phil,  I got the impression a few people gasped in horror. I thought, oh oh, maybe this was a mistake.

Mike, I was sure it was one of (3) things, the aforementioned rouge, somebody switched your tobacco, or worse yet....you had been breathing 2 stroke smoke from a new Polaris purchase!

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On 3/13/2018 at 4:48 PM, mikerider said:

Apparently there are too many mouse lovers on QR or my writing skills and story telling are pretty bad. All mouse tales have been deleted.  Thanks for the honest feedback. I will stick with trail reports only.

mike

 

Okay, 

Now I want to read the story.

 

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15 minutes ago, hparaptor said:

Okay, 

Now I want to read the story.

 

HP I was rolling on the floor laughing best read ever.

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It was last Tuesday morning and I awoke early at Riviere du Loup. This was the day to make Squatec in time for breakfast at Belle Autofois, best crepes in Quebec. I suited up and went outside to my sled, it was time to awake the 90 Mouse Power under the hood of the 900 ACE.

I opened the side panel and there are all 90 mice,  wide awake and alert. They looked somehow bigger on this morning. Mice must have ESP and knew we were making the annual high speed run for crepes, the little buggers stayed up all night popping steroids for this run. My little buddies!

I looked again and gasped. They were all cross eyed, their tails were straight up. They looked mean. They looked like wharf rats.

They were all sporting man buns.

About the time I saw a brass pole under the hood, I heard a high pitched giggle. I reached under one of their beds and pulled out a young female pole dancing mouse.

As I grabbed her she was terrified. I asked her name and she said Delta. She begged I let her go so she could return to her home in Jonquiere.

I suddenly realized the mice were not high on steroids, but worse, Viagra.

I then remembered a picture I saw on Quebecrider. A member had tied a monkey to his front bumper. The monkey had no expression, he had drawn the short straw and this was his fate, forever.

I had an idea. I doused Delta in perfume and tied her to my front bumper. Suddenly the 90 mice came alive, tails again in the air. They could not see Delta but sensed she was only inches away, and she smelled great. Delta had an expression on her face of sheer horror.

I jumped on the sled and gave some throttle.  Delta started screaming. The mice heard the screams and got more excited. Their tails went high.  Up trail 526 and then down trail 85, past the RDL club house. When the trail turned into the rail bed, I gave it all it got. The ACE quickly got up to its usual 85 mph top end and settled in. Delta's screams were now in a fast rhythem of scream, pant, scream, pant. I could hear all 90 mice squealing with delight as they heard Delta. Suddenly the sled was doing 90, then 95, 100, 110.

I arrived in Squatec with time to spare and the crepes did not disappoint.

Later, upon returning to the hotel, I placed Delta in my truck and drove her to Monro's and dropped her off. I told her a lot of Quebecrider members come to this place and they would take good care of her.

I returned to the hotel and quickly got on the phone to the SkiDoo factory. I told them how I got 90 mice to do the work of 150. SkiDoo said this was the best invention ever. They said the invention would be a new machine next year called the 900 ACE Turbo. They wired me a million dollars.

I returned to the hotel and told my little buddies to get spiffed up, we are going out.

We then drove to Monro's. When we walked in there was Delta at the brass pole. She was summonsed over to our table.

I told them how we were now all rich and all 92 of us would split the million bucks. 

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

There is no moral. 90 mice have no morals, they hired a hooker. Delta has no morals, she is a hooker. And I have no morals, less than the mice, I doused a mouse in perfume and tied her to the front bumper of my sled.

THE END OF THE STORY,,,,,    OR,,,, DO FAIRY TALES HAVE HAPPY ENDINGS:

 89 of the mice went to work for SkiDoo as lab mice. SkiDoo gave them all kinds of pills and all kinds of injections trying to make them perform like 200 mice. This top secret project at SkiDoo was called project Sidewinder. The project failed, and all the mice ended up with was two tails. And the tails would no longer point to the sky.

Bruno, my head mouse in charge of the engine compartment,  became a bouncer at Monro's.  He went on to father hundreds of children from various pole dancing female mice. He lost his fortune to child support.

Delta became SkiDoo's Vice President in charge of recruitment and training. She scoured the world for pole dancing young female mice. She then trained them to ride the bumper. These young ladies would go on to be known as bumper thumpers.

I used my share of the money and Snow Checked a new Polaris after hearing Polaris uses neutered chipmunks.

ALMOST THE END:

Years later I went to Valcourt to the SkiDoo Factory and met with my little buddies. We sat around all night drinking beer and laughing.

Then Carlos raised his glass and said, "To Squatec". We all hoisted our glasses,  drank, and cheered.

Next, Omar raised his glass and said, "To Crepes". We all hoisted our glasses, drank, and laughed.

I knew I had to join in. I hoisted my glass and said, "To Delta".

The room fell silent. Wh, where's Delta I asked, blood draining from my face.

My little buddies, tears in their eyes, told me Delta's fate.

Every year for one day Delta would leave SkiDoo headquarters and spend a day riding the bumper. Last year while riding the bumper, an on coming sled passed by. Tied to the pretty blue Yamaha was an expressionless monkey. For Delta it was love at first sight.

Later in the day her driver stopped at a club house. While waiting on the bumper, Delta looked around and saw the pretty blue Yamaha and saw her monkey love still tied to the front bumper.

She hopped off her bumper and jumped up to her monkey. For both it was immediately love. Delta tied herself next to the monkey and in a few minutes the monkey's driver returned and off they rode into the sunset.

Delta was at once fired from SkiDoo. She didn't care, she was now a Yamaha bumper thumper monkey humper.

And as for the monkey, he is no longer expressionless. He and Delta happily ride down the trail. The monkey flips the bird to other monkeys and never stops smiling.

Edited by mikerider
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Thanks for putting that back on Mike.  Sandi and I had missed it the first time.  It is hilarious!  :lol:

Red Monkey?  Seems to me I saw that on another post.    :unknw:    Hmm!

Hopefully you won't be banned from QR.  Worse case scenario, maybe Yamaha or Polaris is looking for a new writer for their next year's ad campaign!

Jack & Sandi

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About a half foot or more. I haven't been out for two days due to the snowstorm and high winds so it is really hard to tell. It snowed hard at times. Forecast I saw says temps below freezing next several days.

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200 mile trip looping around easterly. Cold and blustery out and lots of new snow. Like midwinter conditions. Trails amazing,  Probably 60 to 70 miles freshly groomed that were  NOT on the grooming map at 7:30 this morning. With cold temps forecast for the next several days, riding should be as good as it gets.

mike

 

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