rfm Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 We can laugh at these as we're not at that point in our lives...right? TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' A few minutes later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !! ________________________________________________________________________ Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down? The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood...' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! ________________________________________________________________________ 'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!' Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday..' And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! _______________________________________________________________________ A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex...' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! ____________________________________________________________________ Now this one is just too Precious...LOL! Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought And thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.. Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! _______________________________________________________________________ SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! _________________________________________________________________ DRIVING Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, She turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!' Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Je me souviens Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 Love it, hope to grow old enough to have those symptoms, in decent health. Not sure if you guys read this one, but thought you guys should get a chance to enjoy it. Said: Results of a recent survey found that more money has been invested in erectile disfunction, and breast implants research than alzheimer's disease. Great, all I have to look forward to is a society full of elderly people walking around with hard-ons and perky tits, but can't remember what to do with them..... For Groomer. La joke disait: Recament on a trouve que aux Etats-Unis on depense plus d'argent sur la recherche de la disfonction du penis, et les implantations des seins que sure l'alzheimers. Donc tout ce que j'ai a m'attendre quands je suis age, ces un monde remplis de personnes bande et de seins qui sons bien remplis sauf personnes peut se souvenir quoi faire avec. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfm Posted September 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 Love it, hope to grow old enough to have those symptoms, in decent health. Not sure if you guys read this one, but thought you guys should get a chance to enjoy it. Said: Results of a recent survey found that more money has been invested in erectile disfunction, and breast implants research than alzheimer's disease. Great, all I have to look forward to is a society full of elderly people walking around with hard-ons and perky tits, but can't remember what to do with them..... For Groomer. La joke disait: Recament on a trouve que aux Etats-Unis on depense plus d'argent sur la recherche de la disfonction du penis, et les implantations des seins que sure l'alzheimers. Donc tout ce que j'ai a m'attendre quands je suis age, ces un monde remplis de personnes bande et de seins qui sons bien remplis sauf personnes peut se souvenir quoi faire avec. I think your right, that is going to be sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuzzy600ho Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 That is some funny stuff !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greasemonkey Posted September 30, 2010 Report Share Posted September 30, 2010 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shane Posted October 4, 2010 Report Share Posted October 4, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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